Ok, GAMERS, it’s time to put our cards on the table – these are the hottest video game characters. Ranked. With numbers.
You better switch to the incognito tab for this one š
Nope. We play em for the babes.
So here it is, people, the hottest video game characters. Weāve ranked them from the best to the absolute hottest.
15 Ivy – Soul Calibur
Letās be real, you canāt have a hot video game character list, and not include Ivy. Sheās the poster girl for sexy fighters, and pretty much the reason most of us got into Soul Calibur in the first place.
And itās easy to see why sheās so beloved. Her outfit, her figure, her āLet me speak to your managerā mum haircut. Total babe.
Ivy is one of the sexiest women in video games, and a must-have for a list like this. Although, she probably wouldnāt make the best girlfriend. Not exactly bring home to the folks material.
14 Kratos – God of War
Thatās right, folks. Weāre not just counting the ladies on this list. Weāre including ALL types of characters. And letās be honest here, Kratos is some 100% prime beefcake.
The muscles, the manliness, the face thatās never seen a smile. And they even made him sexier in the PS4 game! I mean, that rugged bushy beard? Come to mama.
He may not be the most hygienic of husbandoes, and to be honest, he probably stinks. But if he were my man, I bet I could change him. I say a big boy like that just needs a womanās touch, am I right ladies?
13 Sonya Blade – Mortal Kombat 11
Ok, I know all the thirsty fanboys said that this version of Sonya Blade sucked, because they got rid of her boobs, made her face weird, and gave her voice to a professional wrestler. But I think, considering when the game takes place, sheās actually the sexiest here.
I mean, SHEāS MEANT TO BE 51 YEARS OLD IN THIS GAME. She looks AMAZING for her age. I donāt know how she keeps her youth, but she must bathe in skin cream or something.
You all may disagree, but I think this Sonya is the hottest of them all. Plus, Iām very attracted to a woman who can just beat the living hell out of me.
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12 Toejam and Earl – Toejam and Earl
Itās time for a two-for-one situation here, because both of these hunks are on the list! Life is all about balance. You need the ying for the yang. The dark for the light.
The fat yellow blob with sunglasses for the skinny red alien with the weirdest head Iāve ever seen. And thatās exactly why theyāre both on the list.
Because theyāre both hot as hell, but they need each other to bring out their full potential. Even their names sound sexy. Toejam and Earl. Earl and TOEJAM.
ā¦Iām into some weird stuff.
11 Roach – The Witcher 3
Oh yeah, now weāre getting into the good stuff.
There are quite a few sexy characters in The Witcher 3, but for my money, none of them can quite compare to your majestic floating horse. I mean, the way she just hovers there is so alluring. Itās as if sheās teasing you, taunting you, begging you to come and get her, but you know you canāt.
Because Geralt canāt jump that high.
Really, itās the biggest disappointment of the game that thereās no romance option for Roach. I mean seriously, they let you woo every woman under the sun, but NOT the horse!? All I can say is there better be some serious horse loving in Cyberpunk 2077, or Iām starting a riot.
10 The Companion Cube – Portal
Dude. Bro. Dude. Dude, bro. Donāt even get me started, bro. Bro, donāt even, dudeā¦.
Bro.
The companion cube is so hot, dude. I mean, itās all in the name. COMPANION cube. Itās your companion. Itās always going to be there for you. It will stick by you through thick and thin. No matter what hardships you go through, no matter what obstacles life throws at you, no matter how many times you want to just give up.
The companion cube will always be your shoulder to cry on. Because it cares. And as we all know, there’s nothing hotter than someone who cares.
…also those hearts are so freaking sexy, bro.
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9 Cookie Masterson – Jackbox
Ok, this dude from Jackbox has got it all. Personality, charm, sense of humor, and who knows how to confuse you better than an algebra textbook written entirely in Swahili.
Everybody thinks mysterious people are sexy, and thereās none more mystifying than this man. We have no idea how tall he is, what he wears, hell we donāt even know what the bottom half of his face looks like. He could have no teeth and a Hitler mustache for all we know.
But thatās a risk Iām willing to take. Personally, I love the mystique and intrigue. Heās a mystery to all of us, and thatās just how I like it.
However, if heās got some crocs on underneath that box, thatās an automatic deal-breaker.
8 Sans – Undertale
…donāt judge me.
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7 Gooigi – Luigiās Mansion 3
There are some entries on this list that really donāt need much justification as to why theyāre on the list. With this one, I REALLY donāt need to say anything, do I?
I mean, Itās Luigi made of goo.
They took one of the sexiest video game characters of all time, and made him even sexier, by creating him out of the most satisfying thing ever. Itās like if I made Scarlett Johanson out of bubble wrap and playdough, only even better.
6 Funky Kong – Donkey Kong: Tropical Freeze
Speaking of sexy Nintendo characters, look at this UNIT.
We all know that Donkey Kong is the best video game character in the world. This is a fact. Canāt be disputed. Totally correct. Shut up.
But then Nintendo throws us a curveball, and says āHey, hereās Donkey Kong, with shades and a bandana.ā And the entire universe collectively came together and said,
āCool.ā
Funky Kong is basically just a cooler version of Donkey Kong, which I didnāt even think was possible, and yet here we are. Heās the definition of a hunk, and the sexiest member of the entire Kong family, which is some pretty stiff competition.
I mean, have you seen Krankyās nude calendar? Va-Va-Voom.
5 Arthur Morganās Hat – Red Dead Redemption 2
They say clothes make the man. Well in this case, clothes make this man one of the hottest hunks out there.
Now, thereās a reason Iām giving this spot to Arthur Morganās hat specifically. Yes, the man himself is a total dreamboat, but itās that hat that puts him over the edge. Sleek, black, and manly as hell, with a rope tied around it for no reason whatsoever.
Hot.
The hat is undeniably the highlight of Arthurās ensemble, and the entire game, if Iām being honest. In fact, it might just be the only hat in the world that could pull off the āmāladyā tip.
4 My Dad
Heās not sexy, and heās not a video game character, but if itās ok with you guys I wanna give a quick shoutout to my dad.
Hi, dad.
3 Football Fan #7841 – Fifa 19
Out of the hundreds of thousands of pixelated football fans created to fill the stadiums of FIFA 19, I think we can all agree that this one is the sexiest.
The way he cheers, the way he boos, the way he sits on his cute little bum, refusing to give us the peek we all crave. The cheeky minx.
I won’t lie though, this was a difficult choice. We all know how many stunning characters there are in those stadiums. Like Football Fan #2563, #5380, and of course #3920 (if youāre into that sort of thing).
I know this choice may cause a lot of controversy, but Iāve got to stick to my guns on this one. Donāt @ me.
2 Theodore – Alvin and The Chipmunks: Chipwrecked
Out of all the chipmunks, Theodore gets it. You may not want to admit it, because youāre scared, and thatās ok, but deep down in your heart you know itās true.
And whatās crazy is, they made him even more THICC in the Chipwrecked video game. I mean, we all know heās meant to be the fan service chipmunk, but hot damn, they turned that shit up to 11.
Not that Iām complaining, of course.
His dance moves are twice as sexy as the other brothers, his cheeks are fuller, his fur looks softer, and frankly that ass simply will not quit.
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1 The Skyrim Glitch Guy
That one guy from Skyrim who had the glitch where two or three versions of him would show up, and one of them would sink halfway into the floor, but they would all still look at you, because they know how sexy they are, and they know the kind of fantasies you have about them, and theyāre totally into it, and hot dude.
…sorry, I think we should stop it here.
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