There was once a powerful trio that roamed through this city. The crazy one, the dad and the young one. Minutes after they tied all loose ends, I mean killed each and every individual that was still against them, they each took a long break from criminal activity. It’s only fair, they’re only filthy rich by now.

Until minor grievances do us apart

Trevor went back to the countryside for hunting and moonshine, Michael decided that his shrink had to know about this, and Franklin started working as a cab driver. Imagine the most dangerous (and successful) group of criminals in the recent history of Los Santos are now drowning in fulfillment and friendship. Kind of hard is it? Well that’s because it is impossible. Things aren’t meant to be that way and the trio will most probably lash each other out the minute they accidentally meet at the Vanilla Unicorn.

Yellow cars ahoy

In order to avoid throwing money at the workforce on a Tuesday, at lunch, I decided to get Franklin (most balanced of the dudes, has a nice bike and overall good neighbor) a job. He’s a great driver, not because of his special power, which I haven’t used more than three times in this playthrough, but because I drive like a mad man – THE BUS CAN’T GO LOWER THAN 50 MPH MA’AM!

Spot a yellow fella, use the eject-a-seat, aka my shotgun, and call dispatch. Dispatch answers, sends me the location via GPS, moment when I whispered to myself, “Neat” and then I speed like a certain blue spiked hedgehog on the road to golden circles (i.e. people that need a ride).

First ride, 1.65 miles, Weazel Dorset theatre in Rockford Hills to Kortz center in northwest Los Santos – can’t lie, this is new to me, I ain’t expecting to make much, especially on a ride that could have been walked. Lazy people are the gasoline to the taxi business’ fire. Thank you for not walking!

Earnings: $152 fare, $61 tips, $213 total. I’m sorry what? Right. Moving on.

Second ride, 2.36 miles, somewhere near the coast. Bit tough to reach but I knew a shortcut.

First half, a breeze, speeding through the highway. Second half, a breeze, speeding through the city. Land at Las Lagunas Boulevard to drop off the client and reap the profits.

Earnings: $236 fare, $95 tips, $331 total. This must be illegal.

Third ride of the day, blue jacket, yellow shirt, mustard pants and green shoes guy enters my car (this isn’t a joke I’m starting here) and requests a short ride, 0.8 miles, through Vinewood, up to Gentry Lane. We get there and this CAB COLORED INDIVIDUAL has the audacity to make a run for it but only after telling me “Eat a dick, ho”. Through the power of words, I convince him to stop this charade and pay me my $79. That isn’t a lot of money but at least I got to spread the good word of positivity and good actions.

Earnings: $79.

I’ll fast forward over the next few rides and only write miles and earnings.

Fourth ride, 2.07 miles. $142 fare, $57 tips, $199 total.

Fifth ride, 1.92 miles. $202 fare, $81 tips, $283 total.

Sixth ride, 0.64 miles. $65 tips, $26 tips, $91 total.

Seventh ride, 1.53 miles. $148 fare, $60 tips, $208 total.

Eighth ride, 2.16 miles. $221 fare, $89 tips, $310 total.

Ninth ride, 1.08 miles. $111 fare, $45 tips, $156 total.

Tenth ride, 2.05 miles. $209 fare, $32 tips, $241 total.

Eleventh ride, 2.77 miles. $262 fare.

Enough driving, let’s math it out

Cracking fingers. Average fare $166, average tip $61, average total $216. Is this satire? I’m feeling played. Average price per mile, $126. You read that right.

Just in case you’ve been living on the Moon or you’re not based in or around Los Angeles, I’ll briefly go over the prices. $2.85 to start the meter, also called a flag drop, $2.7 per mile afterwards and $29 per hour.

I have rounded the price per mile from LA to $3 in order to work with whole numbers.

1. LS rates are 97.62% bigger than LA, 42 times bigger.
2. Average LS trip is $166, average LA trip is $20. 8 times bigger, or 87.95% bigger in LS.
3. Average LS distance is 1.73 miles, 1 minutes 51 seconds real time or 50 minutes GTA time, average LA trip is 5 miles and 5 minutes.
4. 1 LS gallon of gas, $5 and 1 LA gallon of gas, $4.25.
5. LS will pay $1 per mile while LA will pay $1.17 per mile when it comes to gas.
6. In one day of LS cabs – 19 miles; one day of LA cabs – 270 miles
7. Earnings per month LS $52920; LA $3300 per month