You’re smart. Nothing eludes you. You can guess an entire person’s history, background, and personality by taking a look at their shoelaces. You can summon random factoids about a wide range of subjects on a whim. You see what other people can’t, the minute details that can make or break a case. Good for you.

Thing is, you’re very bad with people. Your complete lack of basic social skills makes it very hard to extract information from suspects which, as everybody knows, is the 101 of good police work. And frankly, most people, including other cops, regard you as an arrogant, insufferable and pretentious prick.

However, thanks to (or despite? Who cares at this point) your disdain for standard police procedures, you’ve built a reputation for cracking cold cases that have been gathering dust in the precinct’s archives for years. For you, police work is not about helping people - it’s about the thrill of the chase, finding the missing piece of the puzzle, connecting the dots.

But remember - if it weren’t for your huge intellect and results, no self-respecting officer of the law would’ve taken you seriously as a policeman. Pull too many stunts and piss off too many people, and one day you’ll find yourself exerting that huge intellect in Revachol’s crumbling public school system. So watch it, Sherlock.

I don’t know how to say this without sounding too, uhm, dated, but you, my brother, are the coolest of the cool. A binge-drinking, cigarette smoking, leather jacket-wearing SUPERSTAR cop.

Your innate charm, cool demeanor and way with words makes you an excellent interrogator. One second they’re screaming “PIG” and resisting interrogation, the next they’re offering their lives and darkest secrets on a silver platter. There’s something about that magnetic personality of yours that makes even the hardest of crooks feel at ease. There’s a reason why you’re known as the ‘’human can opener’’, after all.

But all that would be useless without your street smarts and an eerie, almost supernatural connection with the city. You FEEL the pulse of the city, with its shady alleyways, sleazy bars, abandoned factories, disgusting drug dens, bullet-riddled buildings still wearing the trauma of the Revolution after 50 years, hustlers seeking the ultimate get-rich-quick-scheme and gangbangers flashing their colors. You’re the definition of disco, my friend.

Or are you? That’s the thing about you sensitive types. Underneath that cool, suave demeanor lies a sadness so excruciating that you can barely contain it most of the time. With every glass of whiskey, witty remark and cigarette-flick, it grows a little bit stronger, until it will encapsulate you fully. Empathy may be one of the best traits a cop can have, but it also makes you deeply insecure and, frankly, a little obsessed about how others perceive you. You’d take getting machine-gunned by La Puta Madre than losing your edge any day.

You’re the kind of guy who has to see it to truly believe it. You live in the tangent, physical world. Police work comes down to following the motions - interrogating suspects, finding clues and corroborating evidence.

There’s something romantic about the grunt work, the day to day grind, filling out tons of paperwork, going from door to door, patrolling the neighborhood, tailing suspects and finding the shortest, most efficient way to solve a case. And if you have to intimidate or beat up a few people now and then to achieve that, you’ll never hesitate to get your hands dirty.

Being out there on the streets, mingling with the scum of the earth, getting into pissing contests with mobsters and roughing up drug dealers, this is the kind of police work that makes you feel alive.

However, being deeply entrenched into the real world has its downsides. Taking most things at face value, you miss a lot of the finer details of the case. Possessing the subtlety of a pack of trampling elephants, most people of interest won’t reveal any relevant information if you don’t resort to violence or intimidation. You’re far from being a sophisticated cop, but you get results. And what’s more disco than wrapping up a difficult case and going on a bender with your cop buddies?