Join me as I review some of the most ridiculous video game logic loops, oddities, and things that make you say “Why did I ever take this s#!t seriously!?”
Video game logic is something that we have to use all the time. It’s that state of mind where we accept all the absurd aspects of the game we’re playing and not dwell on the stuff that doesn’t make any sense. Like when you run 13 red lights in GTA, whilst driving a tank, and no one bats an eye.
We don’t think about these video game oddities whilst playing, and because of this, they seem to make even less sense out of context. So here are some of my personal favorite video game logic, absurd oddities, and things that make you say “Why did I ever take this s#!t seriously!?”
| Games in which I’ve encountered this | Stardew Valley, GTA 5, Minecraft, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Fallout 3, Divinity: Original Sin 2, Dragon Age: Inquisition. |
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Maybe I’m just a weakling who hasn’t been getting his recommended amount of “gains,” but personally, I don’t think I could lug around weapons and items like most video game characters do. I always wonder where they keep these things. Like, when Michael pulls out one of his thirty guns from thin air in GTA 5, am I supposed to believe he keeps them all in his jacket pocket? I guess he must have one of those “extra roomy” ones I’ve heard about.
It makes even less sense in a crafting game like Stardew Valley when at any time you can be carrying 230 logs, 43 watermelons, and a purple sofa under your hat. But of course, video game logic allows you to have this massive inventory because if it didn’t the game would become as boring as running a REAL farm, and no one wants that. (Editor’s note: I’d be down for that)
Ultimately, when it really comes down to extra inventory space, you can always sacrifice that human child you had lying around in your backpack. Because, you know, video game logic.
| Games in which I've encountered this: | Resident Evil 2, Bully, Dark Souls, Left 4 Dead, Metal Gear Solid, etc. |
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This example of video game logic is pretty self-explanatory. I’ve unfortunately never actually died before, but I’m fairly certain you don’t just pop back five minutes after being run-over by a train. It makes even less sense when you throw the idea of “Save Points” into the mix, especially in a game like Resident Evil 2 where you save by marking something down on a typewriter.
The real life equivalent of this would be God saying “Don’t worry, If you get disemboweled I’ll just place you back to the last time you worked on your screenplay.” This being said, respawning has a valid place in almost every game, except of course for the ones without death, the ones with permadeath, or the games that are so terrible that dying seems like the only way out…
Image Source: PcGamer
| Games in which I’ve encountered this: | The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, Fallout 3, Fallout: New Vegas, Fallout 4 |
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Let me ask you something. Have you ever had a chicken tikka masala that was so good it got rid of your sinus infection?
No?
Me neither, but apparently that’s just how things work in Skyrim, and other similar games. Food replenishes your character’s health in many different games – from Radroach meat in Fallout, to trash-can chicken in Streets of Rage (both equally disgusting, when you think about it).
What I really love are games that let you replenish your health from any food at all. Like when I find a moldy old carrot in a dark, dingy cave somewhere, and it still gives me enough life to massacre the giant spiders. I like to think these games use food to replenish health because they don’t want to just rely on health potions or medkits to heal the player. Either that or they genuinely think you can close up wounds with mashed potatoes.
Video Game Logic: Skyrim – Image Source: Funsubstance, Artist: Anna-Maria Jung
| Games in which I’ve encountered this: | PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds, Fortnite, Call of Duty: Black Ops 4, H1Z1, Apex Legends, Realm Royale. |
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Why did all these homeowners feel the need to decorate their places with self-defense equipment? Were they expecting a battle royale to happen, or did they just live on the most violent and confrontational island in the world?
I should probably not be complaining. It’s a good thing they did leave all these weapons lying around, otherwise, the 100 survivors would have to fight each other with what they would find in an average house. No one wants to battle with a cushion, a flower vase, and that bread maker you never use…
| Games in which I’ve encountered this: | Tekken 7, Street Fighter V, The King of Fighters, Virtua Fighter, Dead or Alive. |
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Let’s say you want to sign up for your average video game fighting tournament. You’ve rolled up in your traditional karate gi, and you’re ready to kick some ass. But then, you’re greeted by a Ninja with a sword, a devil-man, and a mother f#&!ing bear.
At this point, you may be wondering what the entry requirements for this tournament are, and that would make two of us. Seriously, you’d assume that, if you were holding a “martial arts” tournament, the use of weapons, heavy machinery, and literal magic would be forbidden. Otherwise, what’s stopping me from showing up with an AK-47 and “fighting” everyone’s brains out of their heads?
Video game logic: I think they allow these insane characters for the sake of creativity. Say what you will about Yoshimitsu, but we can all agree he’s DEFINITELY not dull. Also, let’s not forget how good it feels to beat the Christ out of these crazy characters.
6. Enemies in Stealth Games are Morons
| Games in which I’ve encountered this: | Hitman, Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell: Blacklist, Dishonored, Aragami, Metal Gear Solid, Mark of the Ninja. |
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Sneaking your way through a heavily guarded fortress, avoiding guards, and assassinating targets is not an easy thing to do (don’t ask me how I know that). But stealth video games like Hitman would have you believe it’s easier than taking candy from a baby, who also happens to forget that you exist 30 seconds after seeing you.
Guards being absolute morons is a staple of video game logic, and stealth games to some extent. Not only do guards in these games have the memory of a goldfish, they apparently also have the vision of a drunk mole and the common sense of a crash test dummy. I’ll remind you, these are people who genuinely can’t tell the difference between a french maid, and a bald assassin in a french maid’s dress – unless they see the barcode on the back of your head because of course, that’s the ONLY obvious giveaway.
Video game logic: I guess they make these NPCs so dumb to make it easier on the player. To be fair, it’s only a matter of time until our patience runs out and we charge everything, guns blazing.
7. Nobody in Animal Crossing has a Job
| Games in which I’ve encountered this: | Animal Crossing, Animal Crossing: Wild World, Animal Crossing: City Folk, Animal Crossing: New Leaf, Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp |
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…OH NO WAIT, THAT’S JUST ME.
What the residents of Animal Crossing ACTUALLY do is… walk. They walk around the village, wait for you to come to talk to them, and occasionally eat some fruit if they’re feeling particularly WILD. So except for Tom Nook, Isabelle, and a few others, basically none of the animals have jobs!
We know that capitalism does exist in the Animal Crossing universe, thanks to the shops and Tom Nook’s greedy illegal money laundering. So how do these animals pay for all their stuff? All those clothes and furniture they gift each other must come from somewhere. Maybe the shop owners are secretly racist, and give out free stuff to everyone except you, because you’re not an animal.
I knew those Llamas were up to something!
8. Collecting Bullets from Corpses
| Games in which I’ve encountered this: | DOOM, Wolfenstein, Duke Nukem 3D, Quake. |
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Demons sure do keep some weird stuff inside of them. You never know what you’ll find when you rip one in half. There could be a medkit, there could be a key, or there could just be the baby they had for lunch. And of course, ammo! That classic video game reward you get after you’ve turned a bad guy into a red stain on the carpet.
I don’t know why so many enemies have bullets inside of them in video games, or why those bullets actually work and don’t clog up your gun with brain tissue, but whatever.
Video game logic: I think we can all agree that in a game like DOOM the logic hardly matters. The developers just wanted to reward you for killing the demons, and give you the necessary supplies needed to execute the next batch. Thereby sustaining the beautiful never-ending demon killing loop.
AMEN.
Video Game Logic: Demons dropping bullets, Image Source: Reddit
9. Finding Legendary Items in Random Places
| Games in which I’ve encountered this: | Divinity: Original Sin 2 |
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Speaking of finding weird things in unexpected places, may I present Divinity: Original Sin 2. This spectacular RPG has one of the best and funniest passive abilities ever, Lucky Charm. This beauty will increase your chances of finding extra rare loot in random places. Obviously, this leads to hilarious situations where you can find incredible chainmail armor in a barrel by the docks, or The Legendary Sword of Ka’Thuul in some dwarf’s kitchen drawer.
It may not make any sense that you can find these wonderful items in totally ordinary places, but then again I do keep my giant flawless diamond in my bread bin, so who am I to judge.
Video game logic: I’m sure the creators of this game put this ability in because frankly, it’s a great way to find rare items. If you want to read about some more awesome RPGs (including this one) be sure to check out our list of “27 Best Fantasy RPGs That Everybody Should Play At Least Once”.
10. Lit Torches in Ancient Tombs
| Games in which I’ve encountered this: | Tomb Raider, Rise of the Tomb Raider, Shadow of the Tomb Raider. |
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Picture this. You’re adventuring in an old, and forgotten land. You come across an ancient tomb, that likely hasn’t been visited in hundreds of years. You enter it, getting ready to take out your flashlight. And then you realize you don’t need to because the torches on the wall are ALREADY LIT! This can only mean there was some guy who came through here before you did, and decided to brighten up the place a little bit… or these torches have literally been burning constantly for hundreds of years!
Video game logic: Maybe the people who made the tomb used one of those extra long burning candles, I don’t know… I guess the creators of these games just wanted Lara Croft to be able to see these tombs well enough and didn’t really think about the logic. But then again if they care about Lara so much, they have a funny way of showing it when they make her fall on spikes, get mauled by T-Rex’s, and literally turn into gold.
11. No Reflection in First Person
| Games in which I’ve encountered this: | Metro: Last Light, Half-Life, Dishonored, Prey. |
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Ring of Elysium, Image Source: Aurora Studio
Number five on our list of best free games is Ring of Elysium, a battle royale shooter.
Ring of Elysium is a free-to-play battle royale game with a few tricks under its sleeve to make it stand out from the genre and offer a fresh experience, even to the average PUBG player.
In Ring of Elysium, you get to pick between three mobility classes that will significantly alter your gameplay experience and how you traverse the map. On the snowy peaks of Mt. Dione, you get to choose between a paraglider, snowboard or climbing gear. Whereas on the newest map ‘Europa’ you get the choice between the paraglider, the BMX bike, or a grappling hook, each class provides you with unique advantages that help you move around the huge maps.
Even if you ignore this mechanic, Ring of Elysium is graphically impressive and runs incredibly well for a game still in its early stages. Both maps in the game currently are big enough to accommodate the players without loot being too hard to find, and there’s a great selection of weapons and vehicles to keep you entertained.
All and all, I would also recommend it over a game like PUBG as its free-to-play nature makes it a great introduction to the BR genre.
12. Invisible Walls
| Games in which I’ve encountered this: | Fallout 3, Super Mario Kart 64, Kingdom Come: Deliverance, Metal Gear Solid 5: The Phantom Pain, World of Warcraft. |
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Ah, invisible walls. One of the most notorious deadly sins of gaming, right next to quick time events, and nearly everything EA does…
Now, everyone knows why games have to have these. They’re supposed to prevent you from going to places you’re not supposed to go to. But that doesn’t make them any less annoying, or any more logical! Especially in an explorative game like Fallout 3, where you wander the wasteland looking for adventure until you get stopped by a big pile of NOTHING.
Video game logic? NONE! It makes no sense, and it’s absolutely terrible for immersion. I mean what are we supposed to think? That our character got stopped by an unusually heavy group of air molecules?
13. Party Members Doing Nothing
| Games in which I’ve encountered this: | Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Mass Effect 1, 2, 3 and Andromeda |
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Bioware likes to fill their games with side characters that you can take with you on your adventures. They’re usually very well written, and can sometimes be the best parts of the game. Except for when you’re not adventuring, in which case they do absolutely fuck all. Seriously, in Dragon Age: Inquisition they all just stand around the castle, in the exact same spots, every day, all day, for eternity.
And of course, they’ll only want to do things if you come over and talk to them. They’re like the animals from animal crossing, but with much worse facial animation. It’s the same in Mass Effect! Sure, in combat your companions are fearless soldiers, but once they’re back on the ship, they’re like dogs who sit around all day with leashes in their mouths, waiting for you to come and take them on “walkies.”
Video game logic: I guess they all have to stay in one place; otherwise, they would be much harder to find. But it’s hard to believe that these are “real people” when you can stare at your tough, grizzled mercenary friend for 24 hours, and he literally won’t move a muscle…
14. Everything Needs Fixing in Adventure Games
| Games in which I’ve encountered this: | Sam and Max, Deponia, The Secret of Monkey Island, Grim Fandango, Broken Age, Machinarium. |
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Adventure games really do operate under their own rules, don’t they? I could probably make an entirely new list talking about “Adventure Video Game Logic,” and how it makes any sense that you can fix a broken radiator with a chimichanga, or whatever. Because that’s just the nature of adventure games. Nothing ever works, and you’re always the one that has to fix it:
- The door doesn’t work, you have to find the key.
- The gun doesn’t work, you have to find the bullet.
- The marriage doesn’t work, you have to find the divorce papers.
Just once I’d like to find something in an adventure game that doesn’t need to be fixed, or combined, or thrown at an angry snake!
Life is rarely as complicated as it’s made out to be in these games, so why do they make you jump through all these hoops? Well, I suppose a game where everything is fine and no one needs help with anything wouldn’t be much of a “game”, would it? Unless we’re talking about The Sims…
Speaking of which…
15… So Many Things in SIMS
| Games in which I’ve encountered this: | The Sims, The Sims 2, The Sims 3, The Sims 4 |
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Okay, can someone please explain to me why in a “life simulation” game, you can have a baby with the grim reaper?
Or get abducted and impregnated by an alien, but only if you’re a man?
Oh, and how could we forget the classic, LITERALLY DROWNING IN A POOL THAT DOESN’T HAVE A LADDER BECAUSE THERE’S APPARENTLY NO OTHER WAY TO GET OUT!?
Yeah I know, The Sims isn’t meant to be serious or accurate, it’s just meant to be fun. I just still find it hilarious how there are SO many things about the games that would make no sense in the real world that they’re trying to emulate. Even the more standard stuff, like meeting someone and getting married to them the very next day would never happen in real life! (Unless maybe a shotgun or Las Vegas was involved)
So, there you have it! My list of stuff in video games that defies logic. We’ve covered a lot of oddities here.
Some video game logic made the games better, some made them worse, some were put in because of restriction, and some were put in because of insanity.
And now I invite you to tell us about your favourite oddities! What’s some weird stuff about games that you don’t usually think about? Let us know!
Jum Jum
Contributor
When I was a child, I cared about three things more than anything, and they were video games, entertaining people, and the crazy frog song…I was not a smart child.
